


one step forwards, two steps back

by polarizingpolaris



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: #letluzandamityswear, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amity Blight is Bad at Feelings, Amity Blight/Luz Noceda Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Disaster Luz Noceda, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, ITS NOT ACTUALLY ABOUT MURDER LOL I JUST DONT HAVE A BETTER SUMMARY, Luz Noceda Angst, Miscommunication, Slow Burn, ah yes i love the sadness, amity is an unreliable narrator, and by everyone i mean amity especially, everything after ep 13 is different, gay panic : the fic, good god someone give amity a hug, i’m in second place tho 🥴, luz is a disaster bi, luz is the number one amity simp, that should be a tag and im kinda disappointed it's not, that's it that's the whole fic, touch starved amity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25756861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polarizingpolaris/pseuds/polarizingpolaris
Summary: Amity must be determined to kill her. That’s the only explanation.
Relationships: Amity Blight/Luz Noceda
Comments: 15
Kudos: 261





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> *im starving for lumity content so i made some myself HDJDJFNNF
> 
> *i chose early july to start bc luz arrives at the boiling isles like mid-ish june bc that’s the end of school and then joins hexside at the beginning of the semester so i’m just gonna say that’s the first week of july so ykyk
> 
> *though that’s literally not even important to the story at all BDJJSJFNG
> 
> *i made a playlist lol  
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTKrOeva3gwVAPNsaDuTaw_K3kuqhdwSc
> 
> *im only posting this now so i can say i started it before the grom episode, i’m not rly committed to it yet HDJDJFJNG
> 
> *chapter one release : 8.15.2020

That’s it. Amity is going to kill her.

Luz can imagine it on her grave already. “Here lies Luz Noceda, cause of death : Amity Blight.” Hopefully Willow will grow some pretty flowers around her gravestone, and maybe Gus can throw glitter in her honor. If she’s lucky, Eda will be a bit disappointed, though it’s more likely that she hangs her dead body from a ceiling fan and switches it on to the highest setting. She can envision King vowing revenge on her killer, who’s currently standing in front of her, wearing a stupid coy smirk on her face that she _knows_ Luz both _loves_ and hates—

“Well, Luz?” Amity asks, probably taking an immense amount of satisfaction in the tomato Luz has no doubt become. At this point, she wouldn’t be surprised to find smoke coming out of her ears. Maybe that’s a sign that she’ll _finally_ explode and can leave this Earth— well it’s not really Earth... the point is, can whatever Gods out there _please_ smite her down because...

Because Amity’s eyebrow raises, amused, like she knows that she can draw Luz’s eyes to whatever part of her face she moves. Luz closes her mouth, just now realizing that she’s been gaping like a fish the entire time, but it falls open again when Amity’s eyebrows furrow- _ever so slightly._

But Luz catches it, because like she said, Amity is a light and Luz is a moth, and her gaze will fall on whichever piece of Amity’s face shifts. Luz’s jaw drops to the floor- _again_ , might she add, because Amity is _worried_.

Because _of course_ she’s worried. Of course she’s caring and concerned for Luz’s answer, and _of course_ Amity is so... so _perfect_ as to not let it show to anyone but Luz. She’s trying to hide her emotion, but Luz caught it, Luz saw it, and she suddenly has a burst of confidence as she simultaneously suffers through _another_ heart attack.

Luz isn’t sure whether she wants to slap her, kiss her, or just _take the damn hand_ that’s been reaching out for the past _minute_!

“I don’t bite,” Amity whispers, loud enough for only Luz and anyone who’s paying attention to hear, and Luz knows that’s a fucking _lie_ because Amity has been teasing her for the past _week._ Hergaze drops to the lower half of Amity’s face, half-expecting her to do... _the thing_ again, and Luz is distantly glad Amity doesn’t because she would _actually_ pass out on the spot, and she focuses on the twitch of Amity’s lips.

_‘I don’t bite.’_

Oh. _Oh._ She thinks Luz is scared of her. Pfft, she isn’t scared! Scared for her safety, _maybe_ , scared of her self-control snapping and of launching herself at Amity, scared that her knees will give out because they feel a bit _too_ weak now, but she’s not scared of Amity.

And maybe Amity has wobbly knees too, maybe she psyched herself up the whole night for this one moment, this one chance, and maybe Luz has the ability to make her scared for her life and restraint and of passing out. And that gives Luz _power_.

So Luz squares her shoulders and straightens her back, finally tearing her eyes away from Amity’s mouth and locking them onto golden orbs, and Luz _smirks_.

On Friday, July third, at Hexside’s one-hundred-and-twentieth Grom, Amity asks Luz to dance.

And Luz _accepts_.


	2. pushing buttons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She wants to smack the coy, pretentious smirk off of Amity’s face and get her to stop acting like she’s above Luz, like she knows something she doesn’t (because she isn’t dumb and Luz isn’t going to let Amity trick her into thinking she is)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sorry it’s a little late my friend was beta-ing it :D
> 
> *fun fact pushing buttons was actually the original name for this story and the first one i came up with
> 
> *WRITING LUZ IS SO MUCH FUNNNNNNN
> 
> *luz is rly about to replace callum as my writing comfort character HDJJFNGNG
> 
> *the grom ep is great and all but fuck it it doesn’t exist here BDJNFNG

It all starts on Luz’s first day at Hexside.

She startles out of her seat, almost falling out of it when the school bell screams. The shrill voice is going to take some time to get used to, but if that’s what it takes to be at Hexside, Luz will let the bell screech in her ear!

Well, actually, she values her eardrums, so maybe not.

Speaking of her ears, she’d gotten weird looks all day, and whether that was because of her ears’ rounded shell or her multicolored uniform was a mystery. If she was being honest, it was probably both. She’d seen blue, purple, green, and pink uniforms, but no one else had them all in one. It made her feel like an outcast again, and when the reason she came here in the _first place_ was to _not_ feel like that... it stung more than she expected it to. Viney waving at her with blue sleeves and orange pants made her feel a little more at ease, though.

Despite the incident earlier in the day, school continued on as normal, so Luz got to make her own schedule (which was _so much fun!_ \- even if she annoyed Principal Bump the entire time) and attend real witch classes! How exciting was that?! And what’s _even more_ exciting is that tomorrow she has a class with Willow, and then the next day she shares one with Gus, and then later down the line she has one with Amity! She _totally_ didn’t tailor her schedule to overlap with some of their classes... nope, not at all.

Luz runs into Willow on her way out, or more like Willow spots her and speedwalks over before she can obliviously skip along on her merry way. “Hey, Luz! How was your first day?”

“It was so awesome!” she exclaims, throwing her hands up into the air and spinning on her heel. She nearly topples over, and she rights herself and squeezes her cheeks. “There’s so much to learn and it’s all _so_ _exciting_!”

Willow giggles, light and fluffy, and she says, “And you’ll get to do it all again tomorrow, too.”

“And the rest of the semester!” Luz adds, pointing her finger at Willow before sticking her thumb back at herself. “You can’t get rid of me now! Mwhahahaha!”

Willow laughs again, all airy and smily and seeing her happy makes Luz happy too, so happy she feels she’s going to burst! And then Willow grabs onto her forearm. “Come on, we’re blocking the hallway. Do you want to walk home together?”

“Ooh, that sounds fu— wait!” Luz exclaims, and she accidentally wrenches her arm out of Willow’s grip, too preoccupied with digging her phone out of her bag. Switching it on, Luz glances at the time. “Oh... cramity! I’m gonna be late!”

“Late for what?” Willow asks, not hurt at all by Luz pulling away, and she tits her head.

Luz beams at her, so wide her cheeks hurt and her face feels like it’s splitting apart, but it doesn’t matter because, “My school day isn’t over yet!”

And then she bounds away, leaving a confused Willow in her wake, and Luz doesn’t have time to giggle at her cryptic comment because she has a book club meeting starting in two minutes, which means she only has _two minutes_ to figure out where the _heck_ the library is.

In all honesty, she should’ve asked when they agreed to _have_ a meeting, but Luz had been so ecstatic about the club she’d forgotten to ask. She’s beginning to regret that now, as she skids around a corner and nearly flies into a locker, and Luz does _not_ want to know what happens if she sticks her hand in the locker’s mouth, thank you very much.

Okay, think! Libraries are usually somewhere near the center of the school; maybe it works the same way here? Oh, she’s _so_ going to be murdered for being late!

Luz flies around another corner, then another, and part of her is tempted to double back to see if Willow is still around for directions, but her pride pushes that idea down. She sprints down another hallway, starting to lose hope of ever finding the library. What if they don’t even have a library and this is all some elaborate prank to embarrass her, and hidden behind a locker, someone is laughing at the way she waves her arms every time she runs too fast around a bend—

There!

The double-doors to the library seem to glow, and Luz lets out a breath of relief, and then keeps breathing quickly as she realizes how winded she is. Surely she didn’t do _that_ much running, Luz thinks, digging her phone out of her bag as she strolls down the hall to the doors.

Wait, is she... is she five minutes late?! When did that happen?!

Foregoing all attempts at a casual entry, Luz sprints the rest of the way to the doors and throws them open, practically tearing them off the hinges. If only she had the other girl’s number, then she’d be able to text her and apologize for being late—

Wait. Luz doesn’t even know where in the library they’re meeting.

“Oh, come _on_ ,” she groans, smacking herself in the forehead and trailing her palm down her face. “Okay. I got this. Totally... totally got this.”

And Luz gets to work.

She checks down every aisle, peeks over bookshelves, she even glances at the chairs and beanbags and couches in the center of the room. Nothing. Maybe she’s in the wrong place? What if she was supposed to go to the town library and not the school one? No... no, she’s sure that she’s in the right place, but where could she possibly be?

“Luz?”

Luz whips around, sighing in relief when her eyes catch on the other club member. “Amity! I thought I’d never find you!”

Amity sits on the ground behind a bookshelf, hiding in the corner like she doesn’t want anyone to see them. Her copy of Azura rests in her lap, with her legs crossed over each other, and she glares up at Luz through her eyelashes. “You’re late.”

Luz rubs the back of her neck, smiling sheepishly. “Yeah, I couldn’t find the library, and then I realized I forgot to ask where _in_ the library we were supposed to meet...”

Amity’s posture softens, but barely enough to notice, and she turns away, pointing her nose up at the ceiling. “Are you going to just stand there or are you going to sit?”

“Oh! Right!” Luz takes a seat on the floor across from her, back facing the rest of the aisle. They’re tucked away in the corner of the library, hidden behind rows and rows of bookshelves, with the two of them seated behind the last one before the wall. Luz gazes around at the surrounding books. “Very private,” she notes.

Amity hums, pointer finger drumming on her book’s spine. “I didn’t think we’d want to bother the other people here. You mentioned voice impressions, so I figured you were going to be pretty loud.”

Luz giggles softly at that. “Yeah, that sounds pretty accurate.” Her eyes trail down to the book Amity’s finger keeps tapping, and she leans forward. “Is that the first book?”

Amity nods. “We should start at the beginning of the series. Do you have a book?”

“I... I was supposed to bring a copy?” Luz whispers, eyes widening in worry.

Amity sneers, but then her face contorts, eyebrows furrowing together before she relaxes. “I guess I didn’t bring it up... we can share mine.”

“Okay!” Luz exclaims, shuffling closer so she can read over the girl’s shoulder. Amity stiffens when their arms brush against each other, but the tension bleeds out of her posture when Luz doesn’t comment on it. Instead, she points at the cover. “If it weren’t for book three, this would be the best cover art I’ve ever seen.”

“Right?” Amity agrees, brushing her hand over the cover. “My personal favorite is book two’s art, but this one is a close second.”

“Like, look at the colors! The blending! The textures!” Luz squeezes her cheeks. “Aww, it’s so _good_!”

“I think it’s really interesting how Hecate is in shadowy lighting here, but then in book five, she’s in the same lighting as Azura,” Amity comments, finger grazing over Hecate’s image. “It shows how Hecate goes from being Azura’s rival to her friend.”

“Hehe... _friend_ ,” Luz giggles, and she lightly punches Amity’s arm. “Just gals being pals, am I right?”

“Huh?”

“Human thing. So, should we start reading? Who do you want to voice?”

“Um... I’ll voice Hecate. You can voice Azura.”

Luz’s eyes sparkle, and she looks at Amity with wonder. “Really?” Then she stands up, pointing her finger at Amity and declaring, “Prepare to be _wowed_ by my _perfect_ Azura impression!”

Amity raises an eyebrow, but her mouth twitches like she’s fighting a smile. Her pinky raps against the spine of the book. “We’ll see about that. I’m not that... easy to impress.”

Her finger taps the book once more, and although the sound is quiet, it seems to echo throughout the library, resonating in Luz’s ears and pounding through her head like a heartbeat. Amity raises her other eyebrow, feigning ignorance, but Luz can see the way the corners of her mouth lift into a small, subtle smirk.

That _bitch._

Luz has no idea _why_ that affected her so much, or why the simple sound has her heartbeat flooding in her ears, but before she can process what’s going on and spit back an angry reply, Amity pats the ground beside her. Her eyes flick back up, mouth curling into a smirk. “I’m assuming you don’t have it memorized?”

“W-well I bet you don’t either!” Luz shouts, volume surprising herself. She puffs her cheeks and clenches a fist behind her back, pointing her chin up and wondering why she’s so _mad_ all the sudden and why she wants to slam Amity into the wall, and not in a fanfiction-romantic way. She wants to smack the coy, pretentious smirk off of Amity’s face and get her to stop acting like she’s above Luz, like she knows something she doesn’t (because she isn’t dumb and Luz isn’t going to let Amity trick her into thinking she is), and she huffs and plops back down beside the other girl, digging her nails into her palm so she doesn’t impulsively backhand her.

And, like the _bitch_ she is, Amity watches her the whole time, and then she turns away, chuckling to herself. _Chuckling_! Is this some game to her? Is it funny? Isn’t pulling her strings like a puppet-master and pushing all her buttons _hilarious_?! Amity is the only one laughing here!

Amity turns back to her with a blank expression, and in a neutral tone, she comments, “You’re face looks like mine when I get angry.”

Luz opens her mouth to argue but then realizes how accurate the statement is, breathing in sharply and almost choking on her breath. Amity tilts her head, a note of quiet concern in her eyes. “Why are you mad?”

Luz doesn’t have an answer for that.

“I... I’m not,” she replies, defensive, unclenching her fist and resting her hand over her knee.

Amity looks like she wants to object, wants to call her out on her obvious bluff, but she schools her face into a deadpan and turns back to her book. Luz almost gets offended at her lack of reaction, but then realizes that’s stupid, and has a mini debate with herself about overreacting and being rash and then Amity’s finger is flipping to the first page and why is Luz focusing on the lines in her hands and the way they weave into a spiral or the veins in her fingers when they contort—

“Do you want to be the narrator?” Amity asks while the tip of her finger thumbs the corner of the page, and when Luz doesn’t respond, she looks up with the same carefully neutral expression she wore before.

“Um... we can take turns?” Luz offers, though it sounds like a question because of the tightness in her throat, and she clears it quickly before her the sparkles in her eyes returns. “Like, you can read a page, and then I’ll read a page...”

Amity nods. “I’ll start then.”

Her tone when she reads the prologue Luz is oh so familiar with is different than the one she uses with children. It feels more mature, like Luz is listening to the opening of an action movie, but Amity’s voice is even and sophisticated, pausing on all the right notes. Luz gets lost in her maze of words, so distracted she doesn’t notice when it’s her turn to read a line.

Amity doesn’t move her head, shifting her gaze to side-eye Luz, and she raises an eyebrow. Luz’s eyes drift from hers down to the book, almost in a daze, and she shakes her head rapidly to clear the fog and holds up a finger. She promised a perfect Azura impression; she was going to deliver! “Do not underestimate me, Gildersnake!” Luz says dramatically, making her voice more mythical and rich. “For I am the Good Witch Azura, warrior of peace!”

Amity reads the bridge between her next piece of dialogue. “After her declaration, Azura drops into a crouch and readies her staff, aiming it at the Gildersnake’s heart.”

Getting into the role, Luz looks ahead at the bookshelf and aims a finger gun at it, yelling (in a low-ish volume- they _are_ in a library), “Now eat this, sucker!”

She mimics a shot, stumbling back as if her finger gun has recoil, and she giggles to herself. “That’s the best line! If we weren’t in a library, I’d totally scream it!”

Amity snickers, and there’s a part of Luz that feels like she’s floating when she hears it, and Amity says, “I could tell you were trying... _pfft_... _so hard_ to hold yourself back.”

Luz spits out laughter. “Haha... _yeah_!”

“You like...” Amity gestures vaguely, “went _really_ loud on the first word and then... _pfft_... quieted down... it was so funny!”

Luz’s cheeks start to hurt from smiling so wide, but when she sees Amity grinning at her like she hung the moon and stars, Luz somehow smiles wider, and her heart squeezes almost _painfully_ in her chest. “I was so into it, but I didn’t want to get us kicked out so early on! Our club meeting can’t end _that_ fast.”

“Don’t get us kicked out,” Amity warns, pointing her finger in Luz’s face, but the threat is lost in her big smile and sparkling eyes and holy shit is this where Luz dies? Can someone dig her grave because she’s pretty sure she’s about to be killed all the way dead.

A spark ignites in her chest, and Luz tears her gaze away, suddenly feeling defensive. Amity taps her finger against the spine again, and her voice is deep and patronizing. “So... was that your perfect Azura impression?”

“Yep!” Luz says, the fire in her heart fizzling out. Her voice drops low, and she wiggles her eyebrows, leaning up against Amity’s side. “What did you think?”

“I... I thought it was fine,” Amity answers, pointing her nose up snobbishly. Her cheeks are tinted a slight pink, and she avidly avoids eye contact with Luz, staring down at her book and drumming her fingers along the spine.

Luz takes her hint of nervousness and _runs with it. "_ So you liked it?” She leans forward more, causing Amity to tilt a couple centimeters away, and her hand hits the ground to prop her up. “Admit it, you _loooooved_ my Azura impression!”

Amity shakes her head, meeting Luz’s gaze head-on. “Nope,” she says, quietly popping the ‘p.’ “Not at all.”

“Sure,” Luz whispers, all the sudden hushed and breathy, and her eyes dart towards Amity’s curling lips and then back up. “You’re in denial.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Amity replies, just as low and as husky, and Luz notes there’s a slight rasp in her voice and a teasing tone that isn’t condescending but it’s not inferior either, and then Amity is pushing against Luz’s shoulders and sending her back. “It’s your turn to be narrator.”

Luz blinks slowly, and her limbs feel sluggish and there’s a fog in her brain. Her eyes travel down to the book, which Amity is holding open for her, tilting it so Luz can read easily. “Uh...um...” Luz stutters, and she squints to make out the first word. “The Gildersnake cries out...”

The whole time Luz reads, her voice is shy and wobbly, and she stays a considerable distance away from the other girl. When she makes eye contact, it burns, and she quickly looks away and changes the subject. Amity reads for the Gildersnake since Luz is Azura _and_ the narrator, and her voice is gruff and full, like she’s trying to impersonate a man but is doing a terrible job of it and yet that’s exactly what she’s going for.

Amity doesn’t comment on her nerves, and Luz is left fumbling, wondering if... _that_ even happened? There’s no way Luz was imagining it, right? Because then...

Then Amity is just messing with her, pulling her strings and pushing every single button as soon as Luz lets them show. Amity’s on a pedestal and Luz is at her feet, and she looks down on her with a coy smirk and plays with her like a toy, only to throw her away once Luz gains any semblance of confidence.

But she’s not being patronizing, she’s not sneering at Luz, she’s not acting like she’s above Luz in any way. Sure, she’s toying with her and sure, she’s teasing... but it’s not supposed to be mean, and it’s not supposed to make Luz angry.

So then... what is it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *luz you oblivious bisexual i swear to god
> 
> *HOW IS THE GAY TENSION SO HIGH ITS LITERALLY CHAPTER ONE THIS IS N O T WHAT I PLANNED JANSJFNFNFHELP
> 
> *canon : amity is a luz simp  
> me : what if i,,,,,, reverse it
> 
> *chapter two release : 8.30.2020


	3. fire and ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amity doesn’t want to topple her throne, but she wants Luz to keep trying, to keep pushing while Amity watches, because it’s amusing. It’s entertaining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *i didn’t feel like editing so i didn’t post this BFJNFNG
> 
> *LMAO WHY IS LUZ’S POV JUST SIMPING FOR AMITY BUT AMITY’S POV IS SO SAD AND DEPRESSING AHDJJRJJFJJF
> 
> *this chapter is basically just amity trying to run from her gay thoughts and failing miserably
> 
> *but that’s also,,,,,, basically the show AHAHHAHAHA
> 
> *AMITY IS A CONFIRMED LESBIAN YALL LETS GOOOO WE STAY WINNING

It wasn’t supposed to go this way.

Amity never _meant_ to tease Luz, but at this point, harassing people is ingrained in her system. She‘s used to poking bears with sticks for the fun of it, and teases slip off her tongue before she can filter them. Something about Luz makes Amity’s brain-to-mouth filter disintegrate, and before she knows it, her mouth is twisting into a smirk as she mocks how Luz simply _exists_.

It’s mean, but Amity is the queen of that, twisting her words into knives and driving them into Luz’s stomach. Not once do the girl’s eyes flash with hurt, but she catches the way her hands ball into fists, and it makes Amity overjoyed to know she has an effect on her. Even the perfect little human can be knocked down.

So why is it... _different?_

UsuallyAmity looked _down_ on people, crushing them under her heel, but with her, it feels... _playful_ , in a way. There’sno malice in her words, no true insult, and a piece of her heart doesn’t break with every word; instead, it’s almost _fun_.

It’s fun to make Luz blush a pretty red, puffing her cheeks with a bit of air until she looks like an angry tomato. It’s fun to watch her short-circuit, even more so to be the cause of it, and even _more_ so to see the way the cogs in her brain stutter to a stop. It’s fun to make her sputter and stumble and to strip away all the confidence she had, tearing her down only to watch her build herself back up again, but Amity does it with no malice. It’s banter, not bullying, she has bark and no bite, and most of all, it’s _fun_.

There’s no other word for it. Throwing insults like bricks is _fun_ if the other person has a shield; being foul is _fun_ if the other person can take it. It’s not the rush of power that she enjoys, not the knowledge of what makes Luz tick, what sets her off. It’s just... it’s entertaining to watch. It’s _fun_.

So how did they get _here_?

Amity projects an image of indifference, maybe even condescendence, but internally, she’s _freaking out._ Five seconds ago, she could feel Luz’s breath on her face, with a tint of mint, warm, chocolate eyes darting down to her lips when she curled them, and she’d been half tempted to close the literal _centimeters_ -apart distance between them and brush over Luz’s parted pink lips... so she’d pushed her back, maybe a bit too forceful, and busied herself with tapping the book’s spine again.

Fuck, she’s _hopeless_.

There’s that feeling again, the one that made her want to squash Luz under her shoe, but _friendly_? She doesn’t want to hurt her, but she still wants to kick her when she’s down, she still wants the _power_ she has over her but Amity doesn’t want to abuse it.

But... _fuck_ , it’s fun when she does it _back_ ; Amity pushes her away just to make her bounce back, she teases her so Luz teases her _back_ , it’s only fun when both of them are bothering each other. That’s what banter _is_. Amity doesn’t want to topple her throne, but she wants Luz to keep _trying_ , to keep pushing while Amity watches, because it’s _amusing_. It’s entertaining.

It’s _fun_.

It’s her turn to narrate, and Amity switches her voice to something more posh, more smooth, gliding over the words like she’s skating on ice. Luz stares at her, transfixed, almost as if she’s in a daze, but her gaze burns holes through Amity’s shield and why does her stare _hurt_?

It’s as if Luz takes a spear to her heart,

decimating the exterior and leaving layers upon layers of shit Amity doesn’t have the time nor the patience to sift through. She doesn’t climb over the walls Amity builds, she _shatters_ them, despite them being made of brick and concrete and Amity’s _years_ of experience. Luz caves them in like its a walk in the park with nothing more than her eyes, and Amity’s skin feels itchy, like her gaze is something she can physically feel and she pulls on it like she has gravity and Amity—

Amity wraps her hands around her copy of Azura and slams the book shut right in front of Luz’s face.

If there’s one thing Amity is good at, other than building walls (though apparently she’s not as good at that as she thought, but that’s a thought for another day), it’s sapping confidence from others like a leech.

She’s been messing with people for the fun of it for _years_ , what’s one more time?

The book makes a _bang_ far over the acceptable volume for a library, but it does its job, startling Luz so much she falls backwards with her face frozen in a grimace, waving her arms wildly. “AH!”

Amity can’t help the giggle that bubbles in the back of her throat, but when she hears it, she almost doesn’t recognize it. Her voice isn’t cold or mean or mocking like she thought it would be. She sounds... _fond_. Her tone is light, delicate. She’s not laughing because it’s cruel, she’s laughing because it’s... it’s _funny_.

Why is this so much _fun_?

“Qué the fuck?” Luz grumbles, already sitting back up like Amity knew she would, rubbing her back like she‘s in pain (which drives another spear through Amity’s heart, but this one actually _hurts_ ). “What was that for?”

“You were spacing out,” Amity comments, tone almost bored, schooling her face into something blank because it’s better than grinning. She wipes the traces of mirth from her face, twisting her smile into a neutral frown. But the sparkle in her eyes doesn’t dim, and when Luz’s eyes widen, she knows she saw it too.

“So you slammed the book in my face?” Luz questions, and her tone is angry and annoyed, and she rubs her cheek and shoots Amity a glare which almost, _almost_ makes her flinch.

“What else was I supposed to do?” Amity scoffs, quickly stacking the bricks on her walls up higher and higher until she breaks through the clouds, leaning away from Luz like the distance will shield her.

“Tap me on the shoulder...?” she answers, but the way she trails off makes it sound like a question, and her instant reply makes Amity feel small.

“Oh please, you were so far gone, I doubt you would’ve noticed,” Amity replies, snapping a little, and she huffs and turns away. Luz raises her eyebrows, looking a bit hurt, and Amity thickly swallows down guilt and shoves up pride like an animal making itself look bigger to fend off a threat. Opening the book again, Amity easily finds their spot and tilts the page for Luz to read along, a silent gesture that Amity isn’t _really_ mad at her, a special way of apologizing without actually saying anything. Luz smiles, soft and light and fluffy, and scoots a hair closer.

“Attention students,” the P.A system crackles to life, spitting out the words too loudly, and Luz covers her ears and Amity winces. Principal Bump has _got_ to check the volume on that thing. “The library will be closing in five minutes for maintenance. Please make your way out before then. Thank you!”

Amity feels her heart bury itself in her stomach, and she’s flooded by a mix of disappointment and confusion. The maintenance can’t be helped, and they can always schedule another meeting, so there’s no reason to discouraged, right?

Unfortunately, her heart disagrees, seeing as how it sinks into her gut.

“Aw, man,” Luz whines, reaching up and dragging her hand over the corner of their page, radiant, warm skin crossing over her lap that looks like the sun kissed it, and for a second, Amity can taste the light on her tongue, like she grazed her mouth over the soft tissue. Her shoulders tighten, and she freezes at how close Luz’s hand is to hers and she can hear the paper rustle like it’s right next to her ear. “We only got to page three!”

Amity’s throat is too stiff to reply, staring down at Luz’s hand like her eyes are lasers piercing through the bronze. She can feel heat radiating off tanned skin, and Amity’s hand is right under hers, propping the book up and Luz’s hand ghosts over the air above her, boiling it so much Amity is half convinced the book is going to spontaneously combust. Or maybe it’s _Amity_ that’s going to combust, with Luz as a lighter and Amity a fuse, Luz setting her arm ablaze and Amity exploding into a pile of ashes.

Why is Luz’s hand on fire? Why does her skin emit heat like she’s the sun itself, baking Amity’s wrist in flames, and they aren’t even touching! Why is her aura so scorching; why is she making Amity burn up like if they connect, it’ll be like touching a daystar?

Luz’s finger flips the corner of the page and peels back a bit, and her wrist brushes Amity’s, just for a _split second_ and barely enough to feel, but the orange flames roasting her arm lick across Amity’s skin, and her hand _burns_.

She _snaps_ the book shut, standing abruptly and boiling from the inside out, with her hand blackened and charred and her heart melted, and Luz looks up at her quizzically, tilting her head with a concerned innocence. “Amity?”

She forgets every word she’s ever learned, and suddenly Amity doesn’t remember how to speak; her tongue is glued to the roof of her mouth and her wrist _burns_ , why does it hurt so much? Why does Luz hurt so much? How can she make it stop? How much frost does she need to freeze the fire? Why is Amity’s heart icing over but she can still feel the heat?

Snow leaks up her throat, and her voice is cold and sharp. “We have to finish early.”

Luz’s face falls, defeated, but then she perks up and exclaims with a pointed finger, “We can move outside!”

No. No, no, _no_ ; Amity can feel stares on her back already, eyes boring holes into her uniform as she’s seen with Luz, with the _human_ , reading a _children’s_ book, soft and mushy and _weak_. “No.”

“No?” Luz echoes, much quieter than before, and hurt flashes over her eyes again which hurts Amity in turn, and her heart feels like she’s ripping it out of her chest. Why is she so torn? It feels as though she’s forcing herself to step away, she’s forcing herself to end this here, but why?

Why is Luz so hot and Amity so cold? How does she feel like her clothes are on fire and her organs ablaze, but her mouth is chilled and her words are cold? How is she freezing but burning at the same time?

“This is a _secret_ book club,” she reminds, turning to the side so she doesn’t have to see Luz’s hand reach out and her fingers curl away from Amity’s frost. “Do you not know what _secret_ means?”

“But _why_?” she asks, desperate, pleading, and although Amity tries to restrain herself, her eyes crawl back to Luz. She’s leaning forward, arm suspended in midair like she wants to reach out but won’t, and her eyes are begging. _Why_? Why is she pushing so hard? Why is Amity pushing away?

It’s _fun_ to watch Luz return to her throne, still trying to shove it over, but this time, Luz reaches up for Amity to join her on the ground as equals, fire and ice, rivals and friends. It’s fun to tease her, but only if Luz teases back, only if she can take it, but now she’s asking _Amity_ to topple her throne _herself_.

And Amity... Amity doesn’t know _how_.

“Because it has to be,” she says finally, whispering it like it physically pains her to say (which it does, why does it _hurt_?) and she gathers all of her willpower to force herself away. One step takes every ounce of determination Amity has, but every one after it is easy. Like it’s code in her system, Amity walks away from Luz, pushing her away once again, slowing becoming colder and colder the farther she strays from the library.

And only when she’s walking out of the school does she realizes that’s the most fun she’s _ever_ had. For the first time in literal years, Amity genuinely had _fun_.

And only when she’s lying in her bed at home does she realize it hurt so much because she _didn’t want it to stop._ For the first time in _literal_ _years_ , Amity had been _warm_.

Luz is starting to melt her, and Amity isn’t sure how she feels about that.

* * *

Luz can’t sleep.

It’s not the first time; her sleep schedule is a mess, honestly. One night she’ll go to bed at eleven, the next it’ll be two, and then maybe six in the morning, and then eight at night. Sometimes she gets lost in the world of fanfiction, other times she stares at her last conversation with her mom, fingers hovering over the keyboard but never typing.

Other times it’s because of outside forces she can’t control, like King springing an impromptu demon lesson on her, or Eda’s curse acting up, or _another_ demon sneaking past their defenses. And then sometimes, it’s because she remembers the demons they faced before and can’t seem to get the adrenaline to fade.

She’s been caught awake wracked with guilt before, mind swirling with thoughts about how she’s going to be grounded for the rest of her life and what if she can never come back, but what if she can never go back home (though isn’t _this_ her home too)? But she’s able to shove it down, reasoning that she can return to her world at any time, her mom doesn’t have to know; it’s Luz’s little secret that she can take to the grave if she wants to.

This is different. This is different because this time, she doesn’t understand _what happened._

It eats her from the inside out, twisting her stomach and for a second, Luz thinks she’s going to be sick. She tosses again, sprawling her limbs across the cold parts of her bed to smooth the fire consuming her body.

She knows what it is, but why does the guilt hurt so much?

Her chest heaves, and Luz chokes back a silent sob by pressing her face into her pillow, unwilling to wake King, who’s sleeping soundly at the foot of her sleeping-bag. She tucks her hands close to herself, feeling the phantom touch of the rough edges of Amity’s Azura book and the lingering fire from the second of contact she and Amity shared.

But then she remembers how Amity jerked her hand away, how she stood up and told Luz she didn’t want to be seen with her, because Luz is too weird and too eccentric and she’s never cared before so why does she care now?

So then it’s her fault, right? Somehow it’s her fault? If Amity doesn’t want to be seen with Luz, it’s because she isn’t someone worthy of being seen with. If Amity didn’t want to continue their meeting, it’s because Luz made it boring or too not-boring or spiked the tension too high. It’s her fault somehow, _right_? _God_ , she wishes she knew _how_ so she can fix it—

And then her scroll pings.

Eda had gone with her to get one, saying something about no one using a human phone. Luz hadn’t played around with it much, setting up a Penstagram, taking a few photos with Willow and Gus and posting them, but she otherwise stuck to her own phone.

But she knows enough to figure out notifications, and she knows enough to figure out Penstagram private messages. The text comes from her requests, so it’s not someone who’s messaged her before (not that many have- she’s in a groupchat with Willow and Gus, and a couple random people had said mean things about her being a human, but she was quick to block them).

She almost doesn’t recognize the username, but her eyes zero in on the profile and Luz _immediately_ knows who it is. Mint hair, golden eyes, holding up a peace sign with a squished face, Amity’s picture stares back at her, as well as her message.

**_‘Bring your own book next time.’_ **

****

_Next time._

Amity wants there to be a next time.

Relief floods her chest, and Luz squeals quietly, kicking her legs in excitement before replying back. **‘Next week?’**

Amity types for a few seconds, and then deletes it, and then retypes again. **‘Fine by me.’**

Somehow, the simple message washes away all the guilt Luz has. Amity isn’t mad at her. She doesn’t hate her. Just because she doesn’t want to be seen around her doesn’t mean Amity doesn’t want to spend time with her! It’s Luz’s fault she’s an outcast, after all. Plus, the secret part of their friendship makes it more fun, right? What was she even worried about?

She can feel Amity’s touch ghosting over her skin, can imagine the other girl’s side-eye-glare, remembers the way her smile set Luz’s stomach on fire, and how Amity might not have been ready to be on her level, but she grinned down at her from her throne.

_Next time._

Amity is still willing to have a next time. _She’s still willing to be Luz’s friend._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *HELP WHY DID IT GET SAD I DIDNT MEAN FOR THIS TO HAPPEN THIS EARLY ON AAAAAAAAAAAA
> 
> *understanding willow giving amity character development???? don’t know her. i miss early episode amity so she’s going to act like early episode amity BDNNFN
> 
> *i have amity tagged as an unreliable narrator bc when luz gets angry or annoyed, amity plays it up and makes her out to be more angry than she actually is. i’ll explain why in the actual story later; amity is like a pandora’s box, she’s got a fuck ton of issues to open up
> 
> *also b4 y’all even THINK that i was trying to make amity the “dominant” one, i think after being mean/bullying (kinda) ppl for years, amity doesn’t know the difference between being mean bc it’s fun and being mean to be mean. she has a mean sense of humor (bc i have a mean sense of humor HDJJFNF) so that’s what i was trying to show, not sexualizing her bc she’s like 14 and that’s grOSS
> 
> *chapter three release : 9.20.2020


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